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In the words of Samuel J. Snodgross: Make them laugh

September 24th, 2008 · No Comments · Whatever ...

In this time of financial turmoil, monetary angst and government shame we must take what comfort where we can.  And so, a troubled nation turns — like it has so many times before — to humor.

Sure, you can get your fill from the professionals like Jon Stewart.  But oh, the home-grown kind is the best.  So here are some of my recent favorites.

A letter to the New York Times:

Dear Mr. Bernanke and Mr. Paulson:

My student loans are too big and it is hurting the economy. Can I have a bailout, please? I need $92,000.

Thanks.

A song, to the tune of “Do You Hear the People Sing” from Les Miserables, written by Hannah, an 11-year-old daughter of a co-worker:

Do you hear the people sing?
It is the song of panicked men.
It is a yearning for a market that will not collapse again!
When the beating of your heart echoes the failing of your stocks,
There is a market ‘bout to fall when tomorrow comes!
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will please lend some dough to me?
Is there a world beyond the banking crisis that you see?
If so you must be completely out of your feeble mind!
Do you hear the people sing?
It is the song of panicked men.
It is a yearning for a market that will not collapse again!
When the beating of your heart echoes the failing of your stocks,
There is a market ‘bout to fall when tomorrow comes!
There is a market ‘bout to fall when tomorrow comes!

Paulson takes a lesson from the Nigerians:

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

Are there others?  I haven’t gone through YouTube yet to see what’s out there.

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