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Poor John McCain. Between Eliot Spitzer’s no-good, horrible, terrible day and Clinton’s damning Obama with faint praise, $108/bbl oil, and druggy drinking water no one even remembers that there’s this old guy whose running for president. Maybe if he had a real sex scandal with wiretaps and affidavits and everything, he’d get some notice — but no, no one really cares.

So what’s a guy got to do to get some love? How’s ’bout some speculating on potential VP candidates. But we can go even better than that — let’s dream up a whole Cabinet slate for him. Too early you say? Pshaw … not at all. I mean, he’s got tons of time until November. Hell, he’s got tons of time before the Democrats finally choose a candidate. Let’s put these six weeks to good use. European governments have been risen and fallen in less time …

Besides, with a potential Cabinet already picked out, the American people know exactly who and what they are voting for. It gives him some time to come up with some policies, start writing some legislative language, get everything in place so he’s ready to govern from day one. Especially since 8 months is more than enough time for Cabinet candidates to get vetted, chosen, approved, and resign in a nasty non-straight sex scandal (they are Republicans after all).

My problem is that I don’t know any Republicans. So help me out; who are likely candidates for these slots:

• Vice President: Huckabee? Please. Guiliani? Only if he doesn’t want a single Lou Dobbs, James Dobson vote going his way. Romney? Doesn’t he think Romney is a dick?So I’m going to go with Lieberman.
• Defense: Chuck Hagel? Except they disagree about the war. But he’d have the experience.
• State: Lieberman is my backup here. I can’t think of anyone else who is as strongly committed to the Iraq war as he and McCain.
• Attorney General: I can’t believe Fred Thompson would be chosen. For the last time everyone, playing a high-ranking attorney on TV isn’t the same as actually being a high-ranking attorney.
• Treasury: How about Jim Leach? He was Chair of the House Banking Committee? Or Charles Grassley who’s minority chair of the Senate Finance Committee? Going with the Iowa theme, see.
• Interior:
• Education
• Energy: I’m going bold and innovative, people. Schwarzenegger. But why would he want it? California is doing way more cool things with their energy policy than the US feds will ever do.
• Agriculture: someone from the West I bet.
• Labor: It’s Republicans folks. Whoever they put in there isn’t going to give a rat’s ass about the American worker.
• Homeland Security:
• Health & Human Services: Maybe Huckabee here? He did lose 100 pounds after all.
• Veterans:

Where do I slot in Lindsey Graham? Charlie Crist, Florida Governor? John Warner (except he’s really, really old .. and looks it)? Pataki? Arghh … why don’t I pay more attention to the Republicans? And why are they all old white men?

[UPDATE: Romney apparently wants the job -- why would you want to work for someone who can't stand you? Oh right, so when he dies from a heart attack (McCain = old, remember), Romney can just slide in]

[UPDATE II: Forget Charlie Crist as VP.  Too many gay rumours even though he's denied them.  Unless he gets married in the next two months, it ain't going to happen.  So I'm still sticking with Lieberman.]

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